When Jason Milwaukee's best friend Sunshine vanishes, Jason knows that something is terribly wrong, but solving her disappearance will require pushing through all the voices in his head and then getting the world to listen to him. His schizophrenia is stopping him from remembering the events leading up to her disappearance, and often he discounts his own memories, and his own impressions. But his deep knowledge that he would never hurt his friend, plus the faith of his parents and a few others in the town bring him to the point of solving the mystery. In the end, it's Sunshine's own love for Jason (Freak) that persuades him of his own strength and goodness
This book was so incredibly sad that I wished with all of my heart that I could stop reading it, put it away and find a nice paranormal book, with witchcraft or a sweet little dystopian society. But it wouldn't let me.
You are transported into 17 year old Jason's mind, and it is not a pretty place.
He has heard voices in his head all of his life. Voices that tell him how insignificant he is. What a freak he is. How he doesn't deserve to live. How he should just kill himself, and that the world would be better if he did.
The entire book no matter where he goes, the voices follow him. Making his narration excessively depressing all of the time. But along with the mean voices, he also hears her voice. Telling him that he isn't a freak, and how much he means to her.
Sunshine was everything to Jason. As a life long friend, Jason knows that Sunshine is special. She doesn't make Jason feel like a freak. She lets him know what is real, and is there for him when he can't tell the difference. He loves her, and would do anything for her. And now she is he is gone, and he feels as if he is drowning, as if he has lost his anchor to reality.
People think that he hurt her. That he had something to do with her disappearance, even his own parents don't trust him.
Yet he is not surprised, because no one ever believes an alphabet.
GAD, SCZI. To him all he has to offer the world is a set of letters stating whats wrong with him. Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Diagnosed Schizophrenic. Why would anyone trust a boy with voices in his head? Especially when he is beginning to not trust himself.
I can not begin to convey to you the magnitude of Jason's self-loathing, and for my own sake will not attempt to. Just know that it was painful to read. Reading the book hurt.
This book brought so many emotions to the table. It would be impossible to read something like this without feeling sad, helpless and indignant on Jason's behalf. That poor boy. All he wanted to to was find his friend, the one person who made him feel like more than a freak. All the while those voices where there on every page. Reminding him of all his failures. Telling him that he had hurt Sunshine and that he deserved to die. I absolutely despised those voices and everyone who made Jason feel like nothing.
But through it all he was forced to ignore the voices, and remember how much he loved sunshine in order to save her.
This book made both my head and my heart hurt. It was not an enjoyable book and I despised reading every page, but it was a good solid book in its own right.
It held far to many depressing moments that made me question my faith in the good of humanity, but it was a solid read.
I'm not a fan of contemporary books. They always break my heart in some way or another. I don't like reading books that break my heart.
Fantasy is reliable. There is always an evil dictator, or an egotistical king, or a demon about to destroy the world. The characters must rely on their magical powers and funny best friends to help them save the planet from destruction. They always find love along the way. And after some discovery, self sacrifice, and an occasional death of a minor character, they almost always have a happy ending.
Contemporary is real. Evil demons are replaced by bullies. Dictators turn into abusive parents. And yes, I know that people in the real world don't have superhuman abilities to get them out of tough situations. I know that in real life sometimes you never find good friends or true love. That sometimes people don't get their Happily Ever After.
But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
I am a firm believer that you should read books that you enjoy. Reading should bring you a sense of elation. Books can transport you to different time periods, show you worlds beyond your imagination. Words are like art, beautiful treasures in their own way. Appreciate them.
So read what you like, not what other people "think" you should like.
If you like modern day books about love in its rawest form, overcoming self hatred, and don't mind your heart being broken, then this is a book you will most definitely enjoy.
My rating:
two out of five stars
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